


A Tale of Two Rikkas

by Zeria



Category: SSSS.Gridman (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Not selfcest don't worry, not really romance, optimistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 12:03:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeria/pseuds/Zeria
Summary: The Rikka of the virtual world was left alone after Akane's department. Now, the Rikka of the outside has to due her best to help.





	A Tale of Two Rikkas

Takarada Rikka did not know what to do. A few months after she’d begun dating Akane, the girl had finally fessed up and explained what had caused her disappearance from school and change of behavior in the time prior to their relationship. It had taken Rikka a while to internalize the idea of her girlfriend having shaped a world within a computer purely due to escapism, but it did make a lot of her other behavior much clearer, so she’d adapted to it eventually. Akane clearly had a lot of trauma over her actions in that world, seeing herself as a monster because of what she’d done, and Rikka would rather help her deal with those emotions than question her on if the tale was really true or not. Their relationship was going well, with Akane improving drastically in all aspects of their life, and she didn’t want to hurt that happiness.

Still, she had a major concern about the story. She was worried about the version of herself that continued to exist within the simulation. From everything Akane had said, that world’s Rikka seemed to care just as much for the girl as she did, and she was afraid her mental health would’ve begun to spiral with Akane gone.

Rising from her bedroom desk chair, she got up to go to the kitchen, figuring that it was useless to think about this kind of stuff on an empty stomach. Rikka was the kind of person who needed to be perfectly full before she could put in her best work, and this was a topic which required careful consideration. She was trying to help herself, after all.

Grabbing an apple from the fridge, she returned to her room, ready to think through how she might go about contacting this other her. Was doing so even a good idea? She couldn’t say for sure, but nothing else sprung to mind.

* * *

Takarada Rikka did not know what to do. In the five or six months since Akane had definitively left her life, she had only found life to be more and more difficult, with her will to keep going draining by the day. She wouldn’t exactly call this feeling depression, but having lost the person she cared most about, forever this time, was a serious blow. Even worse, there was no part of her that could even hope for Akane’s return, as she was afraid that if she allowed herself to dream of such a future, it might come true, something that would only hurt the girl.

Early on, Yuuta and Utsumi had been solid friends, standing by her and trying to help her move on. But neither of them was all that good at comforting people and over time, their attempts no longer helping, Rikka became more and more uncomfortable spending time with them. It didn’t help that Yuuta had tried to ask her out a grand total of 5 times. With no other friends who remembered anything about the Gridman incident, she was basically out of options.

She had hoped that as winter ended, this mood would pass, and she’d be able to move forward even with the continued pain of no longer having Akane by her side. Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the case. It was a sunny, spring day with flowers blooming, but she felt no better than she had two months ago. The light was offensive enough to her that she had been forced to close the blinds.

Sighing, she tossed around in her bed. This was the third day in a row that she’d avoided school. She knew that continuing down this path couldn’t lead to good things—this is how Akane ended up entering this world, after all—and yet no realistic solutions came to mind, forcing her to continue engaging in this self-destructive behavior. It was like she was falling down a well with perfectly smooth walls. She knew she had to grab something before she hit the bottom, but she couldn’t find anything, and that left her terrified.

* * *

Takarada Rikka knew what to do. At the very least, she had some idea of what she should do. With copious amounts of research, she had managed to track down one Takeshi Todo, and with even more badgering, she’d convinced him to open up about the virtual world. Apparently, he had been involved with Gridman himself some twenty years ago, and had some idea of what had happened with Akane recently. More importantly, she was able to push him into helping her get into that world.

Rikka felt bad about keeping all of this a secret from her girlfriend, but she was afraid it would set back months of progress on this front. This was to be a solo mission, only dangerous due to the potential emotional repercussions for failure. To belittle that danger, though, would be a huge mistake. If Rikka messed up here, she’d be damaging another version of herself. That wasn't something she’d just be able to blow off.

Upon waking up the next morning, she got prepared to go. It was a Sunday, and with a clear schedule, she travelled to Todo’s place, finding a strange computer set up in the middle of a hallway. He wasn't home, but his instructions had been clear. All she needed to do was push the power button and she’d be brought into the virtual world. It was time to do her best.

* * *

Rikka was well and truly about to give up. She simply hadn’t been able to motivate herself to do anything in the last couple of weeks, and her belief that she ever would was hanging by a thread. Would she stay like this for her entire life? It was too hasty to say something like that. But she certainly felt that way, to the point that going out and doing things, trying to find something she could still enjoy, was simply impossible.

The trace amounts of light which shone through her blinds felt toxic to her, making whatever mallady she already had far worse. How could she move forward if she couldn’t even bear the sun?

Suddenly, she heard a knock on her door, with a distinctly different rhythm from that of her mom.

* * *

When the door opened, Rikka was facing herself. At least, in a certain sense. They had notably different figures and even faces, but there was still something there, an intangible sense of commonality. From the look on virtual Rikka’s face, she could tell that the recognition was mutual.

“Hi.” That was all the real world Rikka could get out, not having planned on what to open with.

“Who are you?” the other Rikka asked, not bothering with formalities.

“I’m you, or at least, the version of you that exists on the outside world.”

The virtual Rikka’s eyes grew wide as she finished.

“You’re from the real world? How’s Akane? Is there something wrong with her?”

“No, she’s doing fine. Great in fact. But,” Rikka paused for a second and looked at what she could see of the room from where she was, “you’re clearly not.”

The virtual Rikka looked down for a moment. It was unclear whether she was simply embarrassed to show the mess to a guest, or if she was taking a moment to figure out what to say. It was fair, since neither of them knew exactly what they were doing in this situation. Slowly, she opened her mouth.

“Well, I can’t deny that. Come on in, I’ll make room for us to talk about whatever you came here for, but I expect you to tell me more about how Akane is doing, alright?”

Rikka nodded. Akane hadn’t been lying; this girl really didn’t resent her one bit for anything she had done. She wasn't sure she could’ve felt the same way, but given that they were the same person, she supposed it had to be possible.

The virtual Rikka moved a heap of clothes out of the way, revealing a small table in the center of the room. She placed a pair of cushions for both of them to sit on, and then left the room for a few moments, returning quickly with cups of chai. It seemed that their distaste for more bitter teas was another point of similarity between them.

Rikka spoke up first.

“So, you wanted to know how Akane’s been right?” She gave her virtual self a second to nod. “Well, to tell you the truth, the two of us are dating, and in the last couple of months she’s managed to really come out of her shell. She’s clearly still upset over what happened in here, and the loneliness the pushed her to come here in the first place, but she’s feeling a lot better.”

Relief showed on the virtual Rikka’s face.

“She talked a good bit about how you pushed her to leave this world, and how you made it clear that she couldn’t come back. She’s sticking to her word. But I was worried that her departure may have upset you more than you would’ve let on to her, and it looks like I was right. Still, you don’t have Akane to worry about at the very least.”

“So, did you intend to do anything in particular in coming here? If you just came to tell me how Akane’s doing, I’m very happy, but I don’t even know how you got in here. Was it worth it to come all this way just to tell me that?”

The room was silent for the next couple of minutes. As much as they both would’ve preferred for things to move smoothly, it was clear that hearing about Akane’s happiness, relieving though it may have been, was something bound to cause some pain for the virtual Rikka while she was in this state. Eventually, though, Rikka managed to find the words that had been slipping her.

“I get that all of this is a bit confusing and no, I didn’t come in with a specific plan for helping you. I just wanted to come talk, to tell you that Akane was okay, and hopefully, to motivate you to keep going.”

The virtual Rikka’s face seemed to soften a bit.

“I… don’t think I can fix you of course. I haven’t been able to fix Akane, she’s done most of the work herself. But if anything has kept you going, it’s the fact that you’re living for her sake, isn’t it?”

The virtual Rikka nodded.

“That’s not wrong; you care about her and she cares about you, perhaps even a bit more than she cares about me,” she winced as she said that, “and if you’d like to live life happily in honor of her, that’s fine by me. But she’s doing her best to move forward thanks to the acceptance you were able to offer her. I just want you to remember that fact, so you can keep going yourself.”

Stopping, Rikka expected her parallel to respond. Instead, she simply began crying. Maneuvering around the table, she reached from behind and hugged her. She held the position for a while, and then placed a small kaiju pin that she had taken from Akane’s room a while back onto the table. She figured the girl would need it. A second later, she had disappeared.

* * *

Things had returned to what passed as normal within a few weeks. Rikka was leaving the house again, even having met up with some of her friends from time to time, though she still hadn’t gone to school yet. Her talk with the Rikka from outside hadn’t fixed anything, as predicted. But the knowledge that both Akane and another version of herself were out there, doing their best, gave her the energy she needed to slowly build her way back up. A month or so ago, getting back to where she had been had felt Sisyphean. Now, she could tell that boulder would be able to rest at the top, even if it’d take quite a bit of effort to push it there.

Putting on her uniform for the morning, she resolved that this was the day she’d finally return to school. The talk had ultimately been no more than a warm embrace, but that’s all she herself had given Akane. Nothing else was needed to help a person take care of themself.


End file.
